in Seven Days
by Long story
Summary: 'Are you homophobic' and 'Do you hate yourself' Zack nodded to both questions — in front of the class.


Episode 1: **_The Suite Life On Deck Uncut!_**

In a dark room, Cody perched on the old bed with arms wrapping tight around his chest, throbbing as if shaking along with a magnitude 5.0 earthquake. The oil lamp on the table lit up only one side of his face, leaving a long shadow on the window curtain beside him.

"It- it's damn freaking cold," he grunted, shivering. "What a madness that all the woods in the fireplace are wet during times like this."

Zack stood there in front of the wooden closet. He rummaged through all the clothes and hanger-like sticks, occasionally dropping garments down the floor. "Just clutch that oil lamp in your hands. I'm fine staying in a dark room." He stretched his black-striped pajamas and glanced down at his clothes — it looked like a prisoner's uniform. "And especially when wearing eye-torturing clothes like this."

"Could you just get me that dirty too-big sweater we bought last year? I'm not you. I need light." Cody lifted his feet off the floor and sat on the bed leg-folded. He crossed his fingers with his toes, rubbing them together. "Being skinny means I experience faster heat loss."

Whistling, Zack carried the white sweater on his shoulder. He lumbered toward the bed. "Sure, but the thing is it's not only oversize and dirty," he flapped open the cloth, to reveal the unmistakable signature of rat's bites on it, "but also _holey_. Are you sure want to put this thing on, Cod- err . . . yeah?"

Cody shot Zack a quick glower. He grabbed the sweater from Zack and lifted it in front of his face. The light from the oil lamp shone through the cloth, forming big patches of bright yellow on his face and the wall behind him. "I would rather call this a fishing net," he said. "A fishing net, at least," he sniffed near the collar and grimaced, "is way better than this in terms of hygiene."

"Oops. Remind me if it's my business."

Grunting, Cody inserted his skinny arms into the big sleeves of the sweater, while Zack watched him in amusement. "You're a stickman," Zack said snickering. Then paused. He cleared his throat. "Umm . . . wanna share body heat?"

Cody stopped pulling up the zipper on his chest. He raised his head up in suspicion. His mouth gaped a little as he squinted. "What?"

Zack sat next to Cody. The bed puffed out an annoying amount of dust. "Yeah, share body heat. Like . . . like huddling each other, err . . ." he stammered. Then in an awkward motion, he throws his arm around Cody's head and made a wrestling lock. Cody sat stiff. "'Kay, by huddling each other, we can reduce the . . ." Their eyes met each other blankly, waiting for each other to speak.

Zack sighed. He flung his other arm into his back pocket and took out a scroll of paper. "Ah!" he exclaimed in delight looking at the paper. "By huddling each other, we can reduce the rate of heat loss to the surrounding, yeah, by reducing the total surface area—"

"Okay, cut," a woman's voice yawned from the direction opposite to the closet. Ms Tutweiller waved at the stage. "Cut, cut. Darwin put down that microphone. Everybody take five. We'll retake this later. Oh I'm having a near-faint experience around these two."

Cody swung his head round a loop to rid Zack's hand. He stared hard at Zack in a fierce eye contact. "The third time," he spat. "Not sure if I can still take the fourth."

The fluorescent tubes on the ceiling flickered, and within seconds, all turned into a steady glow. The entire room was now eye-piercingly bright. Huge black cameras and more people were in the room. At the center stood an ankle-height platform with bedroom props on it, complete with a section of a wooden wall with a window on it. And finally on the director's seat — Ms Tutweiller.

Zack stood up. "Great. You nailed it. How long I've waited for you to say that." He turned to the direction of the director's seat below the platform. "Ms T, Cody said he wants to end today's session."

Ms Tutweiller's eyebrows pressed into each other while taking sip of her steaming hot drink, unable to reply for a moment.

Cody gasped, stepping in. "What? I thought we kept retaking this because _you _didn't memorize your line." He snatches the papers in Zack's hand. "Four pages of dialogue. Easily memorized if you'd gone to my room and practice instead of the practicing bowling with some girls."

Zack lifted a stiff shrug. "Well I did prepare for my lines in the battle scene with Alien Lord Planket. Only I didn't for this bedroom scene 'cause all the lines are _super_ yucky." He snatched the papers back. "Let me show you one."

He skimmed through the papers, finger tracing lines of words as Cody waited him with arms on waist. "Here," he poked his finger into somewhere on the top sheet. "Now why would David Prick the straight dude say to his twin '_shall I compare thee to a summer day_'? How gory was that."

"Well _excuse_ me?" Ms Tutweiller interrupted, shoulders pressed into her neck. "But I don't find anything strange with that line. It's perfectly normal. Now _look_," she put down her mug and grabbed a paper from the side, rolled her searching eyes across it, "see, the Prick twins are extremely outgoing brothers and joke with each other all the time. It makes perfect sense that David would quote Shakespeare's sonnet as fun of a way to express his love to his brother."

Zack crossed his arms, a distasteful glance aimed at Cody. "Were siblings in her generation all spooky people like that?"

Ms Tutweiller grinned knowingly. "Zack," she wagged a finger, "not another clever excuse for not doing your part again?"

"No, heck I'm serious! Those lines are like stock phrases for Valentines!"

Cody plastered Zack's mouth with his hand. Zack shoved the hand away. "Dude you'll ruin my hair!"

Ignoring Zack, Cody stepped over to the front, laid a pair of worried eyes on his teacher. "Ms Tutweiller, ar- are we going to lose our A?"

"Oh yes you are." She put down the paper and picked up her checklist board from under the chair, jiggling a pen. "The highest you two can get now is A-minus," she announced, pressing the pen into the checklist as to make a small tick. "And if we fail to finish up all of those scenes containing the two of you before tomorrow night, it will unfortunately turn into a B."

Cody froze, glaring in stupidity.

Zack yanked him to the side, then quickly spun around to shoot a warm smirk at Ms Tutweiller. "But . . . isn't there like any room for y'know . . . _negotiation_? I mean, about my lines?"

Ms. Tutweiller let out an unhappy sigh, an eyebrow raised above her crooked grin. She lay back into her chair and began tapping the armrest under her wrist.

Zack and Cody started looking at each other, exchanging smirk and glare.

Ms Tutweiller sat back straight. She joined her hands under her chin. "You know, Zack," she grinned, "I understand how hard this one is for you and how vomit-inducing it is—as so you called it—but these lines are very important for the plot. For your character arc. I'll have to change the whole story in order to actually give you some new lines of dialogue."

Zack dropped his arms. "But Tutweiller—"

"Failing to meet the emotional requirement of your role will earn you a C," she cut him off, voice slightly trembling. "And the unwillingness to follow the lines given will earn you a D," she said pressing her hands into her lap.

Zack jammed his hands into his pockets, head thrown to the back, muttering something.

Ms Tutweiller grabbed her mug and stood up straight. "And if _E.T. on The Ship _fails to be aired next week due to the actors acting up," she glared at the twins, gulped, "there's going to be an _All-F Anniversary_ next year."

The twins had their gaze fixed to the front. "Your fault," Cody grumbled without turning to Zack. Zack responded with an I-don't-know shrug.

Ms Tutweiller turned around to her back, waving her arm wildly. "Okay class! We're taking a one-hour break! Those who are taking five, help me tell them we're now taking _sixty_ instead! Class dismissed!"

**_Oh ay oh!  
Oh ay oh!_**

**_Come along with me  
Let's head out to sea  
What this world has for you and for me now…_**

**_Whichever way the wind blows  
We say "hay ho let's go!"_**

**_Oh ay oh!  
This boat's rockin'  
Oh ay oh!  
Ain't no stoppin' us now…  
'Cause we're livin' the suite life…_**

**_Oh ay oh!  
This boat's rockin'  
Oh ay oh!  
Rockin' the whole world 'round..  
And we're livin' the suite life now_**

**_Hay ho!  
Oh ay oh!_**

**_LET'S GO!_**

"Only, there'll be no next year because we're done with this stupid boat in a matter of a few—oh nice necklace there, sweetie."

Cody stared at his brother across the table and the passing-by girls, eyebrows crumpled with no smile. His glass of pink-colored milkshake with vanilla float was still full and untouched.

A goodbye hand-wave to Zack and the girls lollop up the giant staircase. Not a second spared, Cody slid his beverage to the side. "Zack."

Zack's head-dance halts to a stop. He sucked in a lungful of air, spun around and faced Cody with reluctance. "That strawberry frappe should've cut down your lecture half, right?"

"Zack," Cody pressed, "I'd smoothly kept up my A with each new partner I switched to every month, but until _this_ month when it turned out that the only people I'm not yet partnered with are you—"

"—Woody, and London," Zack glumly finished the sentence, a straw in his mouth.

"And I've chosen the best among the worsts to start with."

"Gee, I'm honored."

"And straight away, an _A-minus_," Cody spat, patting the tabletop with eyes narrowed at Zack, who was slurping up his last drop of chocolate milkshake. "Now tell me what I should expect for the next two months working with Woody and London."

Zack took a new glass of milkshake, the vanilla ice-cream drops to half the height in one suck of a mouthful. "Maybe," he said, off the straw, "you should just hope that Tut will throw at us some projects that have to do with food and fashion."

Cody pouted. "Well then, assuming . . ." he trailed off, he saw Bailey walking toward them, her expression weary.

She arrived at their table. "I'm _so_ gonna thank you guys," she spat, then scowled at the twins one after another.

"Prom Queen!" Zack greeted her cheerfully.

Bailey sat down next to Cody. She blew a puff of air up the fringes on her forehead. "Banana Fofana. Less sugar."

Cody let out a sigh that strived to look sympathetic. "Yeah I understand, Bailey." He closed in to her. "To get her down to her first sentence sure is a tall order, let alone to make sure she'll memorize them all by the end of tomorrow, but believe me, Zack and I are getting along no better than you and London."

Bailey jolted her head back. "What?" she snorted sticking her hands on an invisible wall. "Cody our turn's been shifted two days ahead of schedule, all thanks to you guys."

Zack squinted in confusion. "But that's . . . today?"

"Yeah. In less than one hour, I'll have to rush to the set and start kicking," she whined, a Banana Fofana slid toward her.

"Wait-wait-wait, Bail. Then what about London's—"

"She's got them all into her head after I asked her to take a quick look on the script yesterday."

Everyone gasped, even the juice boy.

Bailey glanced around awkwardly, then continued, "And she seemed to enjoy it. She could remember her lines without even memorizing."

Cody glowered at Zack. Zack shrugged it off with a brief _duh_, then he wheeled toward Bailey and grinned. "Well I thought we'll be shooting the fighting scene today. That's why."

A muffled beep rang nearby. Cody dug into his pocket to get his cell phone, turning away from the table.

Bailey looked at Zack and giggled. "And guess what, I got a good news and a bad news for you guys," she said. "Zack, congratulation you got an A-minus, Cody, so sorry you got an A-minus."

Zack's eyes narrowed, nodding speculatively. "Erm not sure if that's funny. I don't really care anyway, but let's check out what says the guy who gets the bad news." He peered at Cody. "Dude, what'd you think of this awesome joke our little Prom Queen's telling?"

Cody was sticking his cell phone to his ear. He stared back at Zack. A puzzled smile on his face.

"Mom's on the ship."

**_Oh ay oh!_**

Carey pushed the blue tight-packed plastic bag into the head-level shelf in the closet. "Honey I don't understand, but why don't you simply switch character with Zack?"

"He'd be happy to if Bailey and Maya also switch role with each other." Cody took another similar bag from the floor and handed it over to Carey.

Carey gently shook the bag right beside her left ear. "And why wouldn't they?" she said as she listened to the rustling sound from the bag.

"They can't." Cody sighed and laid down a bag he'd just picked up. "Bailey and Maya aren't in the same group—I mean _pair_. Ms. Tutweiller arranged the shooting such that each pair has their turn to get their part done every afternoon after class, to finish all their appearance in one day," he said. Carey nodded while listening with attention. "And being in two different pairs means different days of shooting and thus switching role renders impossible." Cody yanked up the plastic bag from the floor and lifted it to Carey.

Carey's eyes wide and sorry. "Oh that was sad to hear, honey," she squealed taking the bag from Cody, "I'm sure it'll get even sadder soon when I understand it."

A click sounded from the toilet door. It opened and Zack walked out, drying his hand behind his pant. "Mom, wondering, when are you going to exclaim that magic word?" he said. "You know, I've been waiting for like, an hour?"

"Oh really?" Carey stepped down the stool. "'Cause I haven't heard the sound of toilet flush either. What magic word, honey? I never know I've learnt any spell." She walked toward the desk next to the porthole, checking the plastic bags below on the chair.

"I think I know what that is," Cody nodded knowingly.

Sound of toilet flush reverberated across the room. Zack closed the door behind him. "Tsk, how should I phrase this . . ." He walked toward Carey. "You know, the word you'd say when you opened up your bag and took out the big box with a colorful wrapping paper some ten years ago but recently it was when you opened your wallet and took out a small sheet of paper with a number and your signature on it."

"_Surprise_!" Carey exclaimed turning around from the desk, holding something in her hand.

Zack flinched, both hands raised shoulder-height. "If it's more hug coupons, tell you I haven't—"

"What is that?" Cody whispered in excitement.

Zack looked to Carey. She was handing something to Cody, and Cody took it with awe. Zack went behind Cody, craning a little to see the thing Carey had just given him.

Cody stared at the photo he was holding. And frowned. It was a picture of Carey and Kurt in their wedding outfit, with a rock band performing behind them. "This . . . This photo . . ." he began hesitantly.

"Looks some thirty years older than it should," Zack finished Cody's sentence. Cody gave him a nudge with his elbow.

"Well _actually_," Carey tucked her arms on his waist, "I'm supposed to look seventeen years older in that picture than I should."

Zack straightened up. Cody frowned even deeper. "What do you mean 'supposed to'?" Zack asked, making a hand-made quotation mark. Then a sharp sniff. "I know. It makes sense now. You two just got remarried! How could you didn't tell us!"

Carey snorted and swiped away the remark. "Nah, it's just our joint performance last week called the _Lizard_ _Othello_. You know, black and white . . . Othello pieces . . . lizard's poops . . . wedding outfits," she said. "But the point is that it was quite a success, and success, as you know, means money, and _money_, means—" she pulled up a big box in a colorful wrapping from inside her bag, Zack and Cody's face brightened up upon the sight.

"—a _telescope_!" She laid the box on the table.

Zack's smile wilted into a pre-yawn snarl.

Cody gawped, smilingly at the box. "Th- this . . ." He walked toward the present with light, hesitant steps. "I . . . I dunno what to . . . You shouldn't have."

"Yeah I shouldn't have told you what's inside 'cause it really kills the surprise," Carey said twirling a finger in the air beside her wiggling head. "Okay never mind that, hurry up and check the size, see whether it fits your eyes."

Cody lifted up the telescope from the peeled open box, holding it up carefully with two hands through a clean handkerchief. "150 millimeter aperture . . . 1200 millimeter focal length . . ." He sighed in awe. "I- I- I've got to show this to Bailey." He put back the telescope into the box, lifted it up in caution, and hurried out of the room. "Thanks mom! I love you!" he shouted shutting the door.

"Love you too, honey, but I thought you said Bailey's still at the movie set."

The door latched.

Zack's nonchalant eyes stared at the closed door, head tilted, and hands inside his pockets in a cool posture. There was a faint sound of the ship honking outside. No sign of Cody coming back.

Soon he turned around and sighed, then quickly—his classic smirk. "I never know you're an evil genius, mom," he snorted. "You don't have to wait till Cody's gone to give me my unfairly big present. I love seeing his jaw drops." He rubbed his hands together. "What is it? A new car? One doesn't run on battery? Or a cheque? Cash would be totally fine too."

Carey crossed her arms, raised her brows looking back at Zack. "_I_ am waiting for you to finish working on your line before I can give you your present."

Zack crossed his arms and huffed. "Great, Cody grassed me up to you again."

"More like complaining for his own good," Carey said. Zack started to retort, but she shushed him. She lifted a chair beside her and laid it next to Zack. "Now sit."

Zack snorted at the chair. He walked across the room and slumped into a couch located by the wall, crossing his legs like a boss.

Carey rolled her eyes. She joined Zack on the couch, sank into it and looked at Zack. "Zack, I really wish you'll help your brother get his A." She crossed her legs mimicking Zack. "It's your A too, isn't it? A group task?"

Zack picked up a marble ball on the table. "I'm not that fond of getting A," he said staring into the marble. "I don't like putting that much effort on area I know I'm no good at. Try ask Cody to win in a basketball game. See how well he'll do."

"Okay, honey, I hate to admit this, but I _have_ to," she said, making a big nod to emphasizing the word. "The world values one area over another. People need only a handful of excellent basketball players—that's not to say average ones—but lawyer and doctor . . . people need more of these—"

"Do you want to have grandchildren?" Zack changed the subject out of a sudden.

Carey pursed her lips, a bit bewildered. "Err . . . yes. Why?"

"Because I can give you that. Not sure Cody, though." He shrugged.

Carey frowned, startled for a moment. "I don't know what direction you're steering this conversation to," she said, "but how can you be so sure of that?"

"Well I said I'm _not_ sure," Zack replied calmly.

Carey pressed her temple, squinting. "I mean, how can you be sure that you can't be sure that Cody can?"

"Dunno." Zack shrugged again. "You may call me irrational. But I can certainly see Cody's love life is a mess. Look at how many—"

"Okay Zack we need to stop here." Carey stick a hand high above her shoulders. She took a lungful, held it, then exhaled thoroughly. "Honey, I want make it clear. I _love_ both you two." She took Zack's hand. "You and Cody. Same. Equal. I've never put Cody above you. Just . . . focus on your study, okay? You'll need it later. We'll need it too. No, I don't look toward having grandkids for now. Now I'm only concerned about how you're doing at school."

Zack was staring to the left, eyes unfocused, hands still in his pockets, and when Carey didn't add more, he sighed. He turned to Carey, simply jerked his head up a little.

Carey smiled. "Good that you understand." She closed in to him, pulled themselves together and squeezed Zack's head tight in her arms. "I looooooove you," she groaned rubbing their cheeks together, as Zack grimaced like there was acid in his mouth.

She broke apart from the hug. "But anyway, mister," he raised a finger, "your present's still on hold. You won't get to touch it until you've finished memorizing your line. Get it?" Then smiled.

Zack jerked his head again. "Aye, mom."


End file.
